ESTATE AGENT LINGO DECODED

We posted this years ago and are re-upping it for your er..delights. Contributions to our decoding of estate agent lingo greatly accepted> elephantnotes(at)yahoo.co.uk

Wanna buy a flat in The Elephant? Our guide to the estate agent lingo…

Thinking of moving to the area? The  more cynical wing of Southwark  Notes has furnished us with this handy cut out ‘n’ keep translation of developer and estate agent brochure-speak.

‘VILLAGE’You’re surrounded by council estates on all sides.
‘NEW BUILD’The walls are paper thin.
‘BUZZY’
There’s three lanes of traffic below your windowsill.
‘DIVERSE’People who aren’t middle-class and white live there.

CREATIVE’ The artists who attracted you to the area are about to be priced out – by you.
‘EXCITING’Someone’s gonna have your iPhone in five minutes.
‘DYNAMIC There’s a small nightclub and two Chicken Cottages.
‘UNIQUE’ It’s just like the other posh rabbit hutch over the road.

‘CONTEMPORARY’ A kid with some Lego could have designed it.
‘REAL’ There’s a big white working-class population.
‘VIBRANT’There’s a big Carribean population.
‘EXOTIC’ There’s a big African population.

‘CULTURAL’ The Imperial War Museum is up the road.
‘ICONIC’ The buidling is lop-sided or shaped like a vegetable.
‘SUSTAINABLE’ The architect has some put some wood on the front.
‘STUNNING’ Expensive.

‘OASIS’ You’re living behind huge security gates.
‘URBAN’It’s in London, duh!
‘EXCLUSIVE’ –  You will drive to and from home so don’t have to interact locally.
‘QUARTERBasically, you’re living in a yuppiedrome.

*-) As humourists we won’t be giving up our day jobs just quite yet. We do welcome contributions to our handy guide. Pass on ‘em.

Comments are closed.